The Long Home Stretch

Without really realizing it, one day it happened: it’s finished. Well, finished in the sense that a baby born at 7 months is still officially a baby, albeit, one that still needs of a lot of TLC before it becomes a fully self-sustaining being. Yes, there is still plenty of work to be done; plenty of punchlist-y stuff to address, a few doo-dads for the building inspector, some return grilles, a few pieces of hardware and a lot of landscaping and painting. But by-and-large, it’s finito. Now all we have to do is hope and pray that we get a building inspector with Alzheimers. It’s not that I believe there is anything structurally wrong or deficient. It’s just that I fear there will be one insidious little stupid, unnecessary detail that’s going to prevent me from getting the C of O. Or that a stair tread is off by 1/8”. Or the handrail is 1/8” too low or too high. Oh, and then there is the business with all of the glass and my ability to demonstrate that they can be shuttered up for a hurricane.

Oh well... que sera sera...



CRISIS AVERTED... SORTA...

In my last entry I ranted and raved about the detestable, shady, evil, manipulative, vile maneuvers pulled by Webster Bank and the whole bullshit “Notice of Default.” It took every ounce of restraint in my body to deal with them without cursing whomever it was I was dealing with. But in the end, they agreed to take me out of “default” if I provided them with the final as-built survey (easy) and if their inspector concludes that the house is “100% complete.” I would then have to provide the C of O within 60 days. When asked what their definition of “100% complete” really meant, they were vague. Did I have to have final landscaping? Do the walls have to be painted, or is priming sufficient? Does the house have to be scrubbed clean? Do the return grilles and registers have to be in place? As expected, the fidgets at Webster Bank were unable/unwilling to provide a response. I basically had to speak with their building inspector to get the answer.

Fortunately the inspector was understanding and basically deemed the house 100% complete (even though it was not quite there). The survey was submitted and now I am just waiting for the C of O inspection. That is, after attending to a few stupid details (e.g., a self-closing hinge on the door into the garage, weather stripping around the basement door, etc., etc.).

IS IT COMPLETE OR IS IT COMPLETE?

One thing I have come to understand and appreciate is the notion of “completeness” when it comes to various phases of the project. For the framing/rough side of it, the state of completeness is fairly black and white. Either it’s complete or it’s not complete. The finishing touches are another matter altogether. Another thing I learned is that attention deficit disorder (ADD) and finishing touches are not a good combination.



My main guy has a serious case of ADD. I am not a healthcare professional or a reader of the DSM-IV. I have just been reflecting on some of the behaviors and incidents that led up to this conclusion. In a nutshell I have relied upon him for virtually all of the finish interior work- spackling, sanding, trim, priming, flooring, tiling, cabinets, etc. Every time I see him I would outline for him the priorities of what should be done first, second, third, etc. However, invariably, he would attempt to do everything all at once at the same time. While painting I noticed lots of bare nail heads, holes, cracks, lumpy spots, etc. in the sheetrock. I would point these out to him and tell him these are the first priority. He would basically start fixing a few of these things, and then he would go straight onto something else. Then, like a broken record, I would have to point out the same issues that are still not fixed. Most telling was the mosaic tile work, especially along the joints, which required the actual cutting and placement of individual tiles (very tedious work). I found places where half the row was tiled (very sloppily), and the rest of the row was simply grouted in! Did he expect me not to notice this?

On several occasions he would say that something was complete, but when I checked, it was anything but. When confronted about things that were left half-assed or undone, he would either get defensive or he would just quip, oh, that’s just a quick and easy fix. Well, if it was so quick and easy, why wasn’t it done in the first place? Okay, nobody is perfect... but don’t tell me something is finished when it is not! Why do I have to feel like Sherlock Holmes every time I come out to the house? Whatever happened to starting something and seeing it through to a complete and satisfactory conclusion? Although I appreciate that he is trying to get things completed quickly, it really is all for naught if the workmanship is lacking. He’s a young guy, so as an elder, I have tried to impart a few pearls of wisdom about doing things properly. But now I am thinking that he probably does need medication to treat his ADD after all. As the old saying goes, you can’t just ask a zebra to change his stripes.

JUICED UP AND WATERED DOWN



The electrical side of things was the first to get completed. All of the light fixtures are in. All of the outlets are turned on. All of the kitchen appliances are in and juiced up. I think I did a pretty decent job with the lighting, if I do say so myself (and I just did!!). I really do not have a clue about lighting design, but somehow all of the elements came together to provide just the right amount of lighting everywhere. I will hardly ever need to buy lamps!




After some terse exchanges, the plumbing was finally completed. All that’s left is a shower that doesn’t drain well and a tub faucet that leaks. The tankless hot water heaters are, um, something else... They are going to take quite a while to get used to. For one thing, they are unexpectedly loud. When you demand hot water, it makes a very loud clicking sound and then the lights in the house will dim/waver just a bit while the hot water heater is operating. It must be sucking some serious wattage! Still, considering how infrequently I use hot water, it’s probably a lot less energy than having a water tank that is constantly on standby.

As expected, the solar photovoltaic panels have been pumping out lots of free electricity, especially with June’s long, sunny days. For the past month I think the electric meter has produced a net excess of between 75-100 kWh per week. Even with the refrigerator running, the geothermal heat pump running intermittently (for cooling), and lights on constantly, it still manages to squeeze out a pretty nice excess. But then again, the east end of Long Island is quite a bit cooler than the city- by as much as 15 degrees F on some days. As such, I probably will not need to have the cooling system running for more than ten days out of the entire season. At this rate, I should have enough excess saved up in my “energy bank” to offset most, if not all, of the heating wattage I will be using this winter. This past winter, I noticed that heating with the geothermal system was very, very costly- like over 1000 kWh per month, even though it was a relatively mild winter. I am optimistically hoping it was because the house was not quite 100% complete, and that it was excessively drafty. This coming winter should be a different situation... I hope!

SO NOW WHAT?

As much as I am relieved that the construction phase has rapidly wound down, I am more than a little angst-ridden over the process of filling out an empty space. In a nutshell, I have nothing! Everything I own is crammed into my tiny apartment in the city. And unless your name is Trump or Vanderbilt, any New Yorker will tell you, one has to make a very committed decision every time one buys something. In a nutshell, do I have the space for it? Am I going to use this enough to justify the space it occupies? Is there anything smaller? Etc... Accordingly, I have just one of everything. One coffeemaker. One frying pan. One spatula. One colander. I don’t even own a toaster (I wouldn’t use it enough to justify its space). So when people ask when I plan to “move in,” I basically point to my backpack and say that I already have!

Now that I have nothing but empty space, I guess you could say that I have to do some re-wiring in my head to get out of the cramped Manhattan mindset. However, having grown averse to conspicuous consumption for the sake of conspicuous consumption, it’s not like I’m going to walk into Wal-Mart and hoover up everything I could fit into a shopping cart or four. I hate having useless junk that I do not need as much as I hate throwing out useless junk that has perceived sentimental value. Quelle dilemma! Therefore my strategy going forward is only to buy things with an enduring functional purpose, and to set some rules around what will/will not be brought into the house. I tend to like Spartan, open spaces, but at the same time I would like it to be comfortable and convenient; i.e., everything I need is at hand. I don’t want to be in a situation where I am constantly thinking, “damn, I shoulda brought _______ with me from the city.” It’s a second home, but a home nonetheless. In true jetsetter fashion, I want to be able to come out on weekends with just the shirt on my back. Oh, and probably a satchel of laundry too. Anyway, I will have to walk that tightrope between consumption/denial very carefully- I think the term “responsible gluttony” fits the bill here.

To complicate matters even more, I have determined that not only will everything be functional, everything has to be aesthetically pleasing and/or appropriately modern in design. Whether it’s silverware, a paper towel holder, dish towels, a spatula, a soap dispenser, etc. I’m not going to buy something just because it’s cheap or on sale. Ideally it should be cheap/on sale, functional, high quality and modern! I know that my parents are going to insist on bringing furnishings and other objects for the home... but it’s going to be awkward accepting something that does not fit in with the design manifest for the house. My parents are not exactly the most “connected” people in the world and therefore would not even begin to understand the concept of “modern” the way that most of us may understand it. If you really think about it, “modern” is a very vague, abstract concept without any strict definitions or boundaries. It is what it is. Whatever “it” may be...

MANIFESTO DESTINY

Since I am basically starting with a blank slate, I am using the following guidelines to inform my purchasing decisions:

1. Everything has to be modern or at least modern-ish.
2. I will limit myself to 10 purely decorative knick-knack/objets for the entire house. Wall hangings are excepted.
3. I will limit myself to 7 mid-century modern-style pieces. As much as I love retro-modern, I think it can get cloying when it is too kitschy. So far I have 4 mid-century modern light fixtures, so this leaves me with only 3 more things...
4. There will be no clothes dressers. Instead, all of the closets are oversized and will contain built-ins.
5. I will not be averse to shopping at Ikea.
6. I will not be averse to pre-owned/vintage furniture. Well, except for upholstered pieces...
7. I will not buy something just because it is pretty. For example, I will not buy a stainless steel trivet when a dishtowel will do in a pinch. Accordingly, I will not buy seating that is pretty but uncomfortable.
8. I will not buy things just because I think I *might* need it someday. For example, I don’t really bake, so I will not buy any bakeware. If I am feeling wild and decide to bake something on a whim, I will go to the dollar store and buy disposable tins. Er, okay, there are no dollar stores in the Hamptons, but I digress...
9. I will not buy gadgets when there are smaller, less expensive alternatives. For example, I will never ever buy an electric can opener since the manual version is just as good and fits in the drawer.
10. I will not save things just because I may need them in the future, e.g., jelly jars, chopsticks from Chinese carryout, etc. In reality, I have found that I always end up throwing these saved things out anyway.
11. I will not buy any bookshelves or bookcases. Sure it might look impressive to display books, but chances are, I will never touch a book I've read ever again, especially when there are millions of things I still have yet to read. Plus, empty shelves attract dust and encourage the purchasing of unnecessary knick-knacks (see above).
12. I will not collect things just for the sake of collecting or completing a collection.
13. I will convert all of my CDs to mp3 files and store them far out of sight.
14. I will try to buy American products as much as possible.
15. I will not be afraid of color.
16. Craigslist is my friend.

Perhaps the most difficult line item would have to be about the way I deal with technology in the house. A television is most definitely necessary. A land telephone line? Eh, probably not. High-speed internet? Hmmm... still debating that. Ideally I want this to be a place to really get away from the world and to get back to basics- working in the garden, reading, kayaking, biking, cooking, etc. Having the internet at arms reach means that I will have this other diversion that tethers me to the rest of the world and thereby takes me away from those activities that I could be/should be pursuing. Then again, I know I would feel totally stranded without the internet. It’s a dilemma for sure. I guess this is something I will have to think more carefully about once I am more settled in...

MIS-ADVENTURES IN E-TAIL

Realizing that I can start staying at the house overnight very soon, I started ordering furniture. Also realizing that I did not have the time (or the money) to run around the city looking for furniture, I decided to make my first big purchases online. Eventually I settled at Sleekspaces.com, which seemed to have some interesting pieces at okay prices. Plus they were offering 10% off and free shipping, which made some of their offerings downright cheap.



So what is the number one most important thing? The bed, of course! Therefore I sought about picking out the beds for the secondary bedrooms first. In the spirit of keeping things simple, modern, inexpensive, uncluttered but sturdy, I bought the Oslo Platform Bed and the Bow Platform Bed. On a whim I also purchased the Daybed Deluxe Convertible Sofa for the loft area as well as the Blu Dot Buttercup Rocker and a dining table. I figured that at least now I would have something to sleep and sit on. By the way I am still shopping around for the master bedroom bed. It has to be really awesome but kinda inexpensive too!



Well, the first sign of trouble was the notification that the Blu Dot rocker was backordered and would not arrive for 9 weeks. Hmmm... okay, I suppose I can live with that. Then I found out that everything would be shipped separately. This would not be a big deal if I was at the house all of the time. But getting stuff in drips and drabs is a real pain if you are, um, like, working and stuff. And 100 miles away too! Anyway... the beds shipped first.

I suppose everything would have been pretty easy to assemble... if they had shipped the correct fucking parts! The fittings and bolts for the beds were virtually all too short, the assembly directions were for shit (only for those that are good at playing Pictionary), and the Oslo bed came with the wrong slat system. I called their customer support line (Mountain time... grrrr....), waited on hold for an entire hour and explained to them the problems. The customer rep said she would pass it along and that they would be sending me an e-mail regarding the replacement parts. A week goes by and no e-mail. I called again, waited on hold for another hour. This time I was told that the replacement parts had shipped from California five days ago. I suspected they were not telling the truth. When asked when the parts are targeted for arrival, the customer rep said she would find out and e-mail the information to me. Guess what? Still no goddamn e-mail!

To make matters worse, the beds are not as nice in person. The finish on the Bow bed was marred and looks very chintzy, and the steel pieces of the Oslo bed did not fit together well. The mattresses (I bought both the foam version and the spring version) left me with an aching back the next morning. These are essentially very costly futons that don’t fold up like a futon.

So now it’s over a month later. I have less than half of my order. Whatever I did get came with the wrong parts. I had to follow up twice with their customer service while waiting on hold for an hour each time. No e-mails, no replacements, no nothing! Needless to say, I would warn anybody who considers purchasing through this shitty e-tailer. I am probably going to have to end up disputing the charge with my credit card company- perhaps then they will finally get around to doing something about this mess.

But then again... this is all just par for the course...

THIS N THAT


The kitchen is pretty much complete except for some serious clean up, paint touch-ups and some missing handles. I must admit that I feel a bit guilty about keeping the refrigerator on. The only thing in there right now is a half-empty carton of soy milk!


In case you were wondering whatever happened to that jug-shaped light fixture...


I thought long and hard about what to do with the basement stairs opening. I suppose I could have had more glass railing there... but I really wanted to isolate the hole as much as possible. Plus, I felt that glass would be perceived as too delicate... I wanted something that looked substantial enough to totally encapsulate that opening. Plus, I wanted to do something that also solved the problem of doing a basement stairs handrail in a cost effective manner. A half-wall/knee wall seemed to be the only logical conclusion. However, I didn't want it to be finished with sheetrock. On a whim I decided to try finishing it with T&G cedar siding, and I must say that it has grown on me. Not only is it functional, it provides a warm counterpoint to all of the metal, glass and concrete. Plus it has that wonderful cedar smell! Once I stain it to match the stair treads and the upstairs flooring, I think it will all come together in a more cohesive fashion.


I've been tagged by the Wielers! Here's a shout out to Andrew and his crew!

NEXT...

A Certificate of Occupancy... or Certifiably Nuts?